Karthik

This is dedicated to my cousin, my dear brother - Karthik.

Hey, you were, are and will be one helluva. Unique :)

You might not be with me anymore. But, it’s not possible for me to forget you. So, this is just one flash back of all the times that we have spent together.

From the time I remember you have always been the most caring, loving fellow ever. I remember the time when you were teaching me how to ride a bicycle in Kumarapark Bangalore house. The best time that we had was during Chetana’s Marriage right? How about the Satyanarayana Puja at our place? Nice right? Hey, remember I jumped on my bed and it actually broke? You know what, it’s still not repaired and I can’t sit on that side of the bed anymore. LOL.

You know what, all my friends remember you too. They know you as the cool dude though with tattoo and all. ;)

What happened to you man? You were so good. What happened?? Out of control life? I am gonna miss you. Who is going ping me “Hey chinni” now? Who is going to get puliogre for me in all the functions by stealing it from the kitchen when still some puja is going on? Remember Arjun’s thread ceremony? LOL. I still remember being scolded from amma for actually eating puliogre while sitting on the mantap. The next time I make puliogre I will eat it in your name. For Karthik.

In that function only, you thought my friend was me and you hit her on the back. Remember? LOL. Good times yeah? She is not going to forget the pain. I am so happy that I was not in the receiving end that day

I guess its one year back. I had come to Bangalore in search of a job; you took me to some training cum placement kinda thing. It was such a bogus institution. LOL. I went there for one day. You knew that right? LOL. The one unforgettable thing is, around that time only I had come to Bangalore with a friend to attend some interview which turned out to be a Call centre job. Later I went with her friend all over Bangalore applying at some consultancies. Remember? You scolded me so much for going with some unknown guy. You spoke with me for so long that my ice cream melted in my hands. LOL. I don’t know whether he knows he was being abused for taking me out, but the situation was horrible. I was holding the ice cream which he had got in one hand, phone in another and looking at his face while he was being abused by you over phone and thinking what will he say if he knew what you were telling me. Who is going to tell me be careful from now on? I am seriously gonna miss you.

Its not easy losing people. It’s definitely not easy to lose a brother. Still harder is losing you. Monday night (10^th of May) – worst night ever. So with broken voice and teary eyes, I want to tell you – “You are a gem of a person. Will never forget you. I hope you at least got some peace of mind now. Have a great time up there. See you in few years. “

What have I learnt?

Hey,

It’s been more than 15 days since I joined Aurigo, or came to Bangalore, or started living away from my home and my people, or started living independently. Everything is true; you can consider which ever you feel has influenced me more. So now the question that I am asking myself is – What have I learnt?

That’s easy to answer isn’t it? Let’s see… I started cooking (don’t be alarmed!!!). It smells, feels, looks and even tastes horrible. Still food is food. ;) I learnt to walk ;) (I am not saying that I walk without tripping now. Because i did fall recently. :) ) I learnt to be alone. I learnt to cross Bangalore’s streets without freezing in the middle of the road (This is still in ummm… Testing phase. Yet to be tested in big roads ;)). I can go and eat pani puri all by myself :) Now I know I should take the house key with me when I am going out otherwise I have to wait outside till my roommate comes at 12 (Thank god we had a non-working duplicate key in of her relatives place (which by chance worked that day :), or else I don’t know how I would have spent 5 hours on the streets. Phew!!!)

These were related to general stuff, when it comes to office –Now I know that development code is not something that you play around with especially on the day of the beta release. If you do, then they take away your access to the code. And the worst part is you can’t even tell “I dint do it” because TFS never lies. It logs everything. :(. Learnt to use Source Control explorer, TFS and VSS (correctly). Of course I had to Google it a lot… A lot!!! Cause I had to start with “What the hell do you even mean by TFS”. Learnt to stare at the screen as if you are actually working, but in reality you can catch some sleep, which you might have missed as you were busy singing all night with your roommate, and realising its late when you see the time and it shows 4:00 AM.

All these things are fine. I feel the most important thing that I have learnt is - I have learnt to look after myself. When you are in a shell for 22 years, it’s impossible to learn this because the world around you is really small and there are many people around you who care about you so much that they are ready to look after your every minuscule needs. It’s true right?

All in all, whether it’s the corporate world or the real world, I am happy to say I have an excellent learning curve now.

Until next time. Adieu.

The week that wasn't expected

Hello,

I am super excited to have finally landed myself with a job after 3 most depressing months of my life. Not just with one job, I had two and a half jobs at hand. Wondering how can a person have 2 and a half jobs at hand? Well, first I got through in a company called Keane. I had everything except the joining date, and then I got through in another company called Expert Outsource. And then the final offer which I accepted was given to me by Aurigo. My present company. :) I am so happy. This is when I started believing in a hindi quote “Dene wala jab bhi deta hai, deta hai chappad phadke”.

My most exciting date finally came. I was supposed to join Aurigo on 1st March. I was asked to be there at 9:30. So I went there sharply at 9:30 dressed as best as I could. I was asked to sit there for a while and I was so nervous. And the worst part is when nervousness and excitement are combined, I become speechless. Completely silent. No matter what you tell, you can’t make me open my mouth. And many of friends have experienced this. In case if you people were wondering why was she so silent today? This is reason. J Anyways, let me continue, and I waited, waited and waited till 11:30. Finally somebody comes and tells me, the systems are full today, we are in the process of giving practical tests to new possible employees. I was crushed and was gaping at him, finally he asked me to come back at 2. And from that day’s 2 P.M my journey in Aurigo started.

I was taken and introduced to everybody in my team. At least 30-40 people, and they kept telling their names, as everybody knows, I am horrible at remembering names, that day also I could not remember anybody’s name, not even of the guy who sits next to me. But thanks to his marketing phone calls, I know his name today.

And the first two days were weird, very weird. I was given a computer and asked to just browse. And I was and am clueless, because I dint know what exactly constitutes “Browsing”. I wanted to login to my facebook, orkut and start browsing. But something told me, that’s not what they want me to do. So I compromised and started staring at the screen for two days. Next I was shown our product, the code and the database, and have started absorbing everything that is being shown to me.

This is really a different kind of a company, very different from PT. No dress codes, no definite timings, and a very different environment. And I hope I will be able to do my part for the company.

Wish me luck.

Mixed emotions

Sometimes I am difficult even for me, to understand “ME”. So I am writing down what I am feeling now-a- days.

I want to,

Scream so loudly that my throat should just get damaged,

Be so silent that people should not even know that I am in the same room,

Cry so hard that I should forget the world around me,

Laugh heartily,

Hurt anybody and everybody in sight,

Repair myself,

Break stuff,

Just sit and stare as if everybody and everything has done injustice to me,

Hurl things at everybody,

Hit everything in sight,

Be really alone,

Be surrounded by tons of people,

Run as fast as I can,

Sit really still – so still that people should come and poke me just to make sure I am alive.

Lately, I am experiencing all these at the same time, and managing it has become impossible. So,

I tried to

Ignore this,

Go on a long drive alone,

Go on a long drive with friends,

Go on a long drive with family,

Find a mid way for all this - abusing everything and everybody,

Over eat,

Starve,

Scream at everybody.

I even tried to donate blood, But I got sent back because I had low hemoglobin content. How bad can your luck be???

But trust me, nothing works. I am at a loss. And most probably people who read this will think that I need a one way ticket to Nimhans. But I can’t help it, I am actually lost. Really lost.

I want to make a resolution this year which I hope will help me get rid of this mixed emotions.

“I will let go. And learn to say – This too shall pass.”

And I hope this “letting go” will help me come out of this ghastly condition. Wish me luck.